In the stilness alone

(scorpio season)

I ofte feel alone
As if I am walking through life alone.
Asking questions no one answers:

Why am I here?
Where do I belong?
Where do I now go?

The feeling of loneliness hides deep inside
So deep within I can hardly find it
Covered up in layers of protection and shields.

I dont like to visit the darkness in me.
I try to deny it.
I keep myself busy and running
Filling my time with things to do.
Projects to fix.
People to care for.

Because when I am busy
I dont have to feel.
When I am busy,
I dont feel anything.

But in the silence and stilness
When there is nothing to do
I cant hide
I feel it coming to surface.

A deep longing
to be loved for no reason, to belong and to connect
with someone or something.

I just dont know how
I never learned

So I drift along – alone
Do my best to survive
I keep on a happy face and a smile

But in the stilness I cry.

When I allow myself to feel
I feel the emptiness inside, deep
I feel it in my chest, stomach and legs
Its a pain you cant explain

It is the feeling of emotional pain
Old wounded feelings
That calls for healing

In the stilness alone
Near the ocean
I let go and release
what is now ready to go

And then I am free.
For now.